Someone sent Nick cold outreach that read: 'Yeah this is an outreach, but unlike those cheap [copywriters], I'm here to steal your time and money to prove that' with a linked doc of value (22 headline titles). How would you improve outreach copy like this?
The lowercase writing style implies he actually wrote it himself, which is a good sign if he's pitching copywriting services, but the line itself is grammatically off ('this is unoutreach' isn't a real phrase) — something like 'unlike everyone else in your DMs, I'm not here to steal your time and money to prove that' reads much better. I also like framing like 'I know the way to get ahead in this industry is to provide value upfront, so here's a bunch of value' before linking the asset. Using a Google Doc for the asset is smart — you can pack in extra links inside the doc without hurting your email deliverability the way multiple links in the email body itself would. And to go further with personalization, reference specific things about the person to prove you actually researched them, not just their business — I had someone build me an entire SaaS app in Lovable based on the principles from one of my videos and then reach out with it as their outreach, which is an extreme but very effective example if you genuinely like the person you're reaching out to.
What a great question. I'm glad you're asking me that. If this is the demo of people you want to be working with, generally speaking, I don't like DM voice notes. I like Loom videos insofar as they on the thumbnail of the Loom video are clearly visible on some aspect of my profile; they're clearly customized. I can usually smell a non‑customized AI‑generated piece of outreach from a mile away, and because I'm in the AI generation industry I assign lower value to such outreach. For me, you want to reach out to people presumably in my space or at my level. I can kind of squint and feel like I'm part of a sequence, and if I'm part of a sequence I just want to do it less—that's why I teach everybody to make their outreach seem like it's not from a sequence. Text is fine as long as you can grab my attention, and the way to do so is by frontloading value. I've shown this email many times: there was a guy who emailed me forever ago (I think it was 22 emails from me) offering to improve CTR by 1–3% and providing a list of 22 titles that increase CTR. He acknowledged the outreach, said he wasn't here to steal my time and money like cheap copywriters, and linked a doc. That's solid outreach. To improve it, fix spelling and grammar; lowercase is okay and implies he wrote it himself. Avoid saying 'unoutreach'—it's not grammatical. Instead, say something like, 'Yeah, this is outreach, but unlike all the other people in your DMs, I'm not here to steal your time and money to prove that.' Another effective line I like is, 'I know the way to get ahead in this industry is to provide value up front, so here's a bunch of value,' then link the asset. In this case the asset is a big list of Google Doc titles. The benefit of the Google‑doc approach is that inside the doc you can list additional links without hurting deliverability more than the one link in the initial doc, and you can customize sections like “for you Nick,” “emails for Nick,” “questions for Nick” to make the outreach look personal. I also received an awesome outreach where someone built me a SAS app in Lovable based on the video’s principles and reached out with it—if you really like the founder/influencer, that kind of gesture makes sense. Ultimately, as long as you frontload value and show you understand my predicament when I have to look over emails like this, you're doing a pretty good job.
First, eliminate unnecessary words. Ask yourself if you can say the same thing in fewer words and then rewrite it that way. For example, a sentence that was 14 words and 69 characters can often be reduced to 8 words and 43 characters without losing meaning. Get out of the habit of using filler words like “really”; replace them with stronger alternatives (e.g., “rapidly” instead of “really fast”).
Second, understand the platform you’re writing for. In cold‑email outreach, you can add value in several places: use the sender’s first and last name in the subject line, craft a compelling teaser of 10‑something characters, and give the attachment a descriptive title. Personalization matters—show that you’ve done the research, mention something specific from their profile, and make the email feel tailor‑made. By keeping every element short, impactful, and platform‑specific, you increase the chances of a click and a response. These two principles—ruthlessly concise writing and platform‑aware personalization—are my core tips for better copywriting.
I don't want to share my actual email copy here since that's part of what I charge for in Maker School (I have shared it in some previous videos though, so digging through those can get you templates from before I locked that down). But the spirit of the answer: even before I had any social proof, the simplest straight-line copy structure is (1) identify yourself, (2) illustrate why your service matters using some form of proof or association with a positive outcome — you don't need to have worked with a million-dollar business, you can say 'I built a system that delivered X, Y, Z outcome' without clarifying it was for your own company, and (3) make a clear ask at the end. You won't get stellar reply rates with this — even a mediocre copywriter can expect somewhere around 1-2% — but that 1-2%, sustained long enough, eventually gets you meetings you can use to bootstrap, learn about your audience, and write better copy over time.
First, a 2 % reply rate isn’t terrible, but there’s room for improvement. Personalizing only the first line of an email is no longer enough—everyone does that now. Think of personalization as a foundational strategy rather than a tactical tweak. The core idea is to build an icebreaker that shows you’ve actually researched the prospect, not just scraped their name.
Start with an icebreaker that combines a genuine compliment with a paraphrased reference to something they posted on LinkedIn, Facebook, or their website. For example, “Hey Nick, I deeply respect your work, especially your recent post about AI‑driven marketing.” To create the paraphrased part, pull a specific detail from their content, feed it to AI, and ask it to rewrite it in your own voice. This makes the prospect feel you took the extra step to understand them.
Next, add an identification line that tells who you are and why you’re reaching out. Keep it short: “I’m a marketer who helps agencies like yours generate $1‑5 k of monthly revenue using AI‑enhanced outreach.” Mention a concrete credential or past success—e.g., “When I ran PR campaigns for Forbes‑level publications, I saw 20 % reply rates.”
Follow the icebreaker and ID with social proof: cite a recent win that’s relevant to the prospect’s industry. For instance, “Last week I delivered $8,390 in revenue in two months for a Sydney‑based marketing agency similar to yours.”
Finally, present a clear offer: “I’m confident I can replicate—or even improve—those results for you.”
Test multiple variations. Write at least ten different icebreakers and identification lines, then pit them against each other to see which combination yields the highest response. By focusing on deep research, personalized paraphrasing, concise self‑identification, and strong social proof, you’ll move well beyond the 2 % baseline and achieve much higher reply rates.